What not to say when you’re late for work

Posted on January 27, 2012
Filed Under Corporate Policy, Employment, Keeping your Job, The Workplace | Leave a Comment

Some time ago, I published a list compiled by CareerBuilder detailing some of the most ridiculous excuses ever used be employees to get out of work, my favorite of which was “chicken attack.” Although, I fervently believe that Occam’s Razor—the simplest explanation, ceteris paribus, is the most likely—is a less than useful tool for judging the validity of employee excuses. In fact, I’ve found the opposite to be true: the more outlandish the excuse, the more likely. Call it anti-Occam.  Why would anyone concoct an unbelievable lie? Of course, this logic gets us into the same catch 22 the protagonist in Joseph Heller’s novel, which coined the term, finds himself. Logic aside, CareerBuilder recently compiled another list, this one detailing “10 weird excuses workers use when late to work.” I’ll let you be the judge. Just for fun, I’ve included the clipart attached to the original post published by TheWorkBuzz—an “I can haz cheezburger-esque” image of a cat in a tie exclaiming, “I no haz hiccups.” Read more

The office holiday party

Posted on January 12, 2012
Filed Under Corporate Policy, Employment, Keeping your Job, Special Occasions and Celebrations, The Workplace | Leave a Comment

A popular seventeenth century political theorist once surmised that social order derives its stability from the innate ability of individual citizens to effectively dissimulate. Dissimu-what? Dissimulation relates to our ability to hide how we truly feel about something beneath a veil of pretense. Although our propensity for dissimulation may not seem like a positive trait—dissimulation is, after all, nothing more than an ornate euphemism for ‘liar, liar, pants on fire’ (you are certainly welcome to disagree). So what does dissimulation have to do with the workplace? Three words: office holiday party. Read more

“Personal Internet use at work: a year-round problem on the rise?”

Posted on January 9, 2012
Filed Under Corporate Policy, Employment, Keeping your Job, Social Network, Technology in the Workplace, The Workplace | Leave a Comment

Have you ever surveyed the cubicle jungle around holiday time? Employees’ eyes are rigidly fixed on their computer monitors, mesmerized as they swiftly flash from screen to screen, each of which depicts a different, unique corporate logo: Zappos, NexTag, OverStock.com. While holiday shopping at work may not be pervasive, it is widespread. With one out of every two employees owning up to committing this workplace felony, I am supremely confident that the number of surreptitious shoppers, who appropriate company time to search the Web for holiday accoutrements, far exceeds what’s reported. Read more

A case for taking sick days

Posted on November 28, 2011
Filed Under Corporate Policy, Employment, Health, Keeping your Job, The Workplace | Leave a Comment

Every fall, a grand battle plays out. Imposing brigades of parasitic submicroscopic organisms barrage our body’s natural biological defenses. Like waves of enemy soldiers crashing upon a beach, their numbers enable this army of parasitic foes to progress forward and slowly march, as one united column thirsting for triumph, to victory. Although those mechanisms protecting our body’s delicate ecosystem are ultimately, with the help of modern medicine and rest, capable of beating back this powerful fleet, it does so only after the barrage of enemy forces punches holes in its defenses. Like Rocky, we battle back from a seemingly vulnerable state to claim victory. Before that happens, however, our body and the parasite become a unified whole. We become toxic—a parasitic ark. Each time we sneeze or cough, troops that are invisible to the naked eye come pouring out, and the war rages on. Got the picture? While sneezing and coughing in the company of others may seem like a rather innocuous event, the fact is, sneezing and coughing can be indicative of numerous things, not least of which is that you are housing throngs of tiny organisms hungry to enslave the immune systems of everyone around you. Read more

The chain of command

Posted on October 18, 2011
Filed Under Corporate Policy, Employment, Keeping your Job, The Workplace | 1 Comment

Last year, a friend of mine interned at a corporate firm. Daily, I would hear horror stories about one of her fellow interns who projected an unprofessional attitude and whose lack of professionalism caused her to become an outcast of the workplace. Naturally, feeling that she had been unfairly targeted and treated by her coworkers—who, in reality, made good faith efforts to improve her stay, this intern’s indignation grew until she decided to take matters into her own hands. With the same unreasonable sense of entitlement and cavalier attitude for which she was notorious in the workplace, the intern ignored the usual chain of command, and left a letter on the desk of the firm’s chief executive officer. Contrary to her expectations, the letter, when put within the context of her repeated offences and carless self-serving behavior, resolved nothing, and only reinforced those uncomfortable negative perceptions her coworkers routinely tried to prove wrong. This intern violated an almost inviolable rule of any well-ordered workplace: the chain of command. Read more

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